Plug could have gone to university and acquired any degree that took his fancy. It would have been as easy as plucking fruit from a tree. But academia didn’t appeal to him.
“I would rather be an autodidact,” he told Frikkie. “It’s the only way to get a truly well-rounded education.”
Frikkie was in no position to worry about further education of any sort, let alone embarking on a 10-year self-education project. His father had set the wolf at his door by refusing him succour and shelter on his return from the army.
“I do not tolerate parasites in my house,” Meneer Welgemoed told his wife. “It will be good for him if he is hungry and has nowhere to sleep. Then he will find a job very quickly.”
Plug was accommodated in the servant’s quarters at the back of his parent’s garage.
“They are happy to provide me with free board and lodging,” he said, “Because I go out of my way to be agreeable whenever I see them. “We enjoy intelligent conversation over dinner, and they respect my privacy.”
Plug allowed Frikkie to sleep on a platform between the roof trusses above the family car, and he fed him on stale bread and scraps from the table. Like Meneer Welgemoed, Plug thought it unwise to make Frikkie too comfortable.
“I must find work,’ said Frikkie.
“What kind of work do you have in mind?” asked Plug.
“That’s the problem,” said Frikkie. “I don’t have any skills, so I don’t know who would want to employ me.”
“Hmmm,” said Plug. “You used to be skilled at climbing trees. How about tree felling? And please don’t ever talk about working for an employer again.”
While in the army plug had received some advice from the Quartermaster.
“If you want to learn how to make good money in the world of business and finance, and you don’t want to actually have to do any work, all you need to do is observe and then imitate the behaviour of the members of an upmarket golf club.”
Accordingly, immediately upon discharge, Plug had taken a 2-week job as a waiter in the clubhouse of a larney Country Club. In that fortnight he absorbed a great deal of important information. The single most useful observation had to do with what he called the ‘cigarette box scheme.’
“I soon noticed a pattern,” he said. “Whenever two or more of these capitalists began discussing something in earnest, it was inevitable that one of them would start scribbling on the back of a cigarette box. Dunhill, usually. Looking over their shoulders, I saw that it was simple arithmetic, with an emphasis on multiplication. It became apparent to me that the inspiration for every innovative idea in the history of human civilisation was developed on the back of a cigarette box, or a scrap of material similar in size.”
“Our garden boy used to do sums in the sand with a stick,” said Frikkie.
“Exactly,” said Plug. “How much space does one need to write down E=mc²?”
“A matchbox would be plenty big enough,” said Frikkie.
Plug then produced from his pocket a piece of foolscap and a ballpoint. The paper was folded in half, and half again.
“Not being a bloody fool,” he said, “I don’t smoke, and as a consequence don’t carry a cigarette box around with me. But this is roughly the same size, and far more convenient. If I use both sides it’s equivalent to 8 cigarette boxes. That’s space for 8 brilliant ideas.”
He then began to make some calculations and devise a business plan for Frikkie.
“You will need a bakkie, a chain saw, an extension ladder and miscellaneous hand tools. The money I made from redirecting military supplies should be just enough if we buy everything second hand. I will charge you 20 percent interest on the loan, and as your bookkeeper and financial director I want 40 percent of your profits. What do you want to call the company?”
They kicked a few possibilities around and settled for Tarzan Treefellers.
“Now for some employees. If you have good workers you can get away with being stupid and lazy. On the other hand, if your workers are lazy and stupid, your business is likely to fail, no matter how astute you are, or how hard you try. You must pay them just above the going rate, they must be intelligent and willing, and their respect for you can be tinged with fear but not hatred. The time has now come for you to suppress your racial bigotry and stop referring to black people as kaffirs, coons and houtkops. You want your employees to work for you, and not against you.”
With Plug as his advisor, Frikkie was soon lopping branches and felling trees at a furious pace. He enjoyed the hard physical work and the satisfaction of being his own boss. His two workers were not as strong as he was but more importantly, their intelligence was superior to his. By following Plug’s advice to curb his ingrained racial prejudice, he was now able to recognise this embarrassing state of affairs and turn it to his advantage. Whenever faced with a difficult task he would instruct his men to get started while he pretended to tinker with the bakkie’s engine. Once they had worked out a procedure to follow, he would close the bonnet and order them to carry on with what they were doing.
“I approve of this strategy,” said Plug. “It’s a sign of shrewdness. You have worked out, all on your own, the style of management preferred by the majority of businessmen in South Africa. You behave as if you have everything under control and you know exactly what’s going on, when in fact you are pretty clueless about most aspects of the work to be done. You have learned to take credit for other people’s ideas and hard work, you blame others for your incompetence and ineptitude, and, most important, you never ever admit you were wrong. You should do well, Frikkie.”
After a year Frikkie was able to repay his debt to Plug, the 20 percent interest included. After two years he had grown his workforce to ten men and he had bought a second bakkie. Plug announced it was time to diversify.
