“The Minister is on the line and wants to speak to you.”
“I can’t talk to the dominee right now. Take a message.”
“Not that kind of minister. It’s the government minister.”
“Is that Mr Jonah?”
“Yes, Minister.” He was standing to attention and his hand was shaking. “Good morning, Minister. How are you?”
“Now listen, Jonah. I have received a report that the abalone resource had been almost entirely wiped out by illegal exploitation. This state of affairs cannot be allowed to continue. I want you to set up a meeting with the poachers and tell them that if they don’t stop their activities, I am going to send in the Army to sort them out, once and for all.”
“But, Minister, with all due respect, we have tried that already and it didn’t work.”
“Don’t argue with me, Jonah! Obey my instructions, or I’ll have your balls on toast for breakfast.”
Mr Jonah, who was coloured, turned as white as a sheet. He knew that if he confronted the poachers, they would either laugh in his face or burn down his house. On the other hand, if he defied the Minister, he would not only lose his manhood, but his job as well. In despair he jumped into his car, raced at a reckless speed to Kleinbaai harbour, ran to the end of the wall and threw himself into the sea.
It just so happened that the whale boat, which was loaded, well, half loaded with tourists, was returning to the safety of God se genade. A crew member managed to gaff Mr Jonah as they passed him and he soon found himself lying on the slipway undergoing CPR. It was then that he understood that he had been miraculously rescued in order for him to deliver the Minister's ultimatum
A meeting was arranged with the leaders from Blompark, Masakane and Eluxolweni. He threatened them with the Army, and, as predicted, they guffawed in his face. Then they offered him 50 thousand bucks in cash and all the perlemoen his freezer could hold if he released their confiscated rubber ducks and air tanks. Of course, he had no choice but to accept, shake hands and return to the office.
“The Minister wants to talk to you. And it’s not the dominee.”
“Jonah, I have just got back from my trip to China, and find that circumstances have changed, and the Army is too overstretched at the moment, so we will have to stop hassling the poachers until further notice. Do you get the picture?”
Mr Jonah got the picture. It struck him, then and there, that he, the minister and the poachers were all equally vrot. This was how people behaved the world over and it was impossible to change human nature. Only God could do that.
(Taken from Fairy Tales and Nursery Rhymes.)
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